That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
