i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
