I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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