So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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