Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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