only you would photoshop your dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize