we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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