she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
