Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
