she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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