I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
