i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
