Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
