Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
