Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
