I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
