I am in a vortex of obligation.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
