So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
