Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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