why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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