I think I died a long time ago.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
