I will die if light touches me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize