$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
