Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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