There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
