i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
