Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
