You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
