Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Houston, we have a squirter
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
