dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
