he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
