walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
