I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize