He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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