This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
