I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
