Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk is not a location!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
