Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
