do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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