I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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