So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
