he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
