She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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