That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
