my mouth tastes like poor choices
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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