were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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