I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
