I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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