3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
