At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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