every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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