the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
