I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
