to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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