OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
