one might say we're banned from that church
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
