guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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