I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
