just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
