I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
