dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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