I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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