census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
