well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
