I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
