I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
