Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
