Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
