I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
