Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
