better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
