is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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