i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
