I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize