if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
where are my eyebrows?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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