Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
