I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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