tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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