Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize