This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
