Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
