My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
