so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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