he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
