Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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