First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize