Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
